The Final Countdown!

It really is the final countdown as our little man will be here exactly one week from today!

I can not believe how fast this pregnancy has gone and how nervous and anxious I get as we get closer. I can remember like it was last week how I was feeling the week before Eden's birth. So many emotions floating around in my head and in my heart. It is much thee same this time, but the feelings and emotions are so very different. I still worry every day that everything will be fine with our little guy and I guess I can say I am still a little skeptic, maybe I just don't have enough real faith or maybe I am a "doubting thomas" by nature.

It is so interesting that the closer I get to this birth, the more I miss my sweet Eden. I miss holding her and kissing her and smelling her. I miss touching her little hands and feet and rubbing her cheeks. Sometimes I think what I wouldn't give for just 5 minutes with her again to see and hold her. I try not to feel cheated or robbed of my baby, it just is what it is and I have to make the most of it and be a better person for her. She is spending her last days with her brother and then he will not remember her here on earth. The girls have started talking about her more lately as well and they tell everyone that "I am having a baby brother, but we also have a baby sister in heaven." I can't wait to watch the girls with their brother to see how sweet they will treat him. It's so cute to see because they are literally giddy when we talk about him coming in one week. I want this to be perfect for them, just as it should be.

His room is ready, his clothes, blankets, towels and bedding and washed and placed. However, I will not let Marcus install the car seat yet and I have not moved the bassinet into our room just yet. I probably won't do either of those things until the day he comes home. We had Eden's car seat in place and didn't take it out for over 2 months. What a crappy day that was! Her bassinet sat in our bedroom until the week after she passed. Even in the final days/weeks when I really knew she would not come home I could not bring myself to move the bassinet because to me that was a sign of giving up in my mind. Will I cry next Thursday when he is born? Probably! Will I see Eden in him and think of her? Maybe! Will I feel Eden there that morning as we welcome her brother into our family? Boy, I sure hope so!!!

This journey is hard, it is strange, it is wonderful. Most important though is that it is my journey and I am so thankful to have a wonderful, loving husband and friend and special children to share it with me. They make each day worth living for me.