Has it really been 10 whole months since Eden passed away? It has been the fastest, slowest 10 months of my life that are a vibrantly clear blur to me! July is coming quickly and as each day passes my emotions become a little more nostalgic and tender. Yes, 10 months later I still pinch myself at times and say "I AM one of those people who have had the unthinkable happen to them. Every mother's worst fear came true for me." However, so much healing and growth has happened this past 10 months and although we still have challenges, our family has been extremely blessed. Funny as it may sound, I miss walking into her hospital room every day to see her sweet face and feel her tender spirit. There was no doubt that heaven was close in that tiny room. I miss stroking and kissing her little feet and hands and whispering in her ear. I miss her smell, even though it was almost sterile, and I miss her darling button nose. I miss the sounds of the monitors keeping her alive because in an odd way it was a comfort to know that she was indeed still alive. I miss the soft primary children's songs I would play over and over again and sing to all day long. Never before and not since have I felt so close to the spirit of the Lord on a regular basis than I did while she was alive. There was a very real almost palpable comfort that swaddled me like a child. A feeling I took for granted at the time, but now very much wish would return. Will I forget the smells, sights and sounds, maybe. But will I forget my Eden, never! Obviously, we did not want it to end with death, who does, but still not a day goes by that I do not thank my Heavenly Father for sending me a most precious gift and for blessing our family forever with our own personal angel.
Below are a few pictures taken exactly one year ago.
We did not know it at the time, but this is the last family photo we have of Eden alive.
Boy were they proud of the sister and they still talk about her every day. I LOVE that!
They were always so concerned with everything going on with Eden. Very protective.
These were the only real moments they had to bond with her and "examine" her as most siblings do to their babies.
4 comments:
It doesn't seem like a year ago that I found Eden and your family. It reminded me to not forget what our family went through and to treat each day special. I will be forever touch by your daughter and her sweet family. Thank you for allowing all of us to share Eden with you. What a blessing it has been.
Keisa,
You are right that the sadness never goes away and we never forget, but nearly twenty years on I can tell you it does get easier.
Good luck with the new little one, Daniel, my DS heart baby, was my second and after he got his angel wings I went on to have two more. It was hard and always a worry until they were safely in my arms, even after tests were negative, but I was blessed to have a third son and then a daughter.
Only my eldest was alive when we had Daniel, and our family photos are nowhere near as beautiful as yours, but I treasure his memory and all the kids consider him part of the family.
Hugs to you all
Penny Green
Down's Heart Group
www.dhg.org.uk
Keisa,
Your post is beautiful, as is your sweet family. I love the part where you mention that Eden's room was the closest you have felt to heaven. What an amazingly true statement! God sent us some pretty darn special angels--a piece of heaven on earth. God bless you guys and that wonderful little life growing inside of you!!!! E-mail when you get a chance and we can exchange numbers!
Bernie
Congratulation Keisa. . . I just realized you were pregnant. Haven't been able to do a lot of blog hopping lately. So Sorry you have the "slight increased risk" going on. I really hope you can relax and enjoy this pregnancy. You deserve it. I know we are done, but I admit at times I crave another one just because I want a "normal newborn" experience. However, like you, I wouldn't change my child for the world! Thinking of you and Eden often.
Heidi
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