The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane
by: Kate DeCamillo
I just finished reading what is now one of my favorite books to date. It is very easy reading and I would recommend it to absolutely everyone. It teaches us that love is so very important in all of our lives and we can not give up on having, finding and enjoying love. As the book states: "All along the way, we are shown a true miracle - that even a heart of the most breakable kind can learn to love, to lose and to love again." I would invite all to read it as it will uplift you.
On another note, the days come and the days go and I miss my Eden so much lately. I do not know why it is hitting hard right now, I guess I have never missed someone so much in my life. I miss so much the feeling that her sweet spirit would transmit to everyone in her presence. The feeling of love, faith, comfort and peace. We call our living room our "reverent room" because this is where we have a fairly large picture of Christ, along with other family photos, and we try to act a little different in that room. I make it a point to spend a little time in there every day because in that room I feel like I can feel her close to me. Will I always be afraid of her memory fading - of forgetting her? Will I always have a large hole, like a void in my heart? Will I always be afraid to have another baby, worrying that this might happen again? Sometimes, this just down right STINKS!!!!
I love my family, I love each of you and I love my Father in Heaven. I am blessed amid the hurt.
9 comments:
Keisa,
Everyday, I think of you and your family and wonder how you are coping. Even though I have never lost a child, perhaps the greatest loss of all, I can attest that from loosing my great love in love in life, that with time and God's grace and mercy, you will heal and those thoughts and feelings of hopelessness, emptiness and "will I move on" or "will I forget (him or her)" or "will I always have this hole in my heart and the pain that goes with it" will get better, one day. You will not forget Eden. As long as you remember, she will always be alive. You may move on, have another baby, a healthy baby, but you will not forget Eden and she will not be replaced.
May our gracious God grant you much mercy in your grief.
Love
Alex
My heart goes out to you today. I learned a great lesson through a recent trial in my own life. Even though our testimony is strong and our faith is great, I believe that it is okay to be discouraged and sad. There were many days for me where I said the same thing, This just stinks. But it didn't mean that my faith was shaky. When Jesus went to Lazarus after he died, He knew that He was going to heal him. And yet the scriptures say that Jesus wept. He was still saddened by the situation. I take comfort in that verse when I am having a hard time and just need to be sad for awhile. I know that He is sad with me and will be there to pick me up again when I am ready. And I know that He has and will continue to do the same for you.
Grief does stink, there is no doubt about it! But, the Master does know how to bind up our wounds and heal our broken hearts. May you be blessed to continually feel his love and his light. You are amazing! Thank you for sharing your story and your heart. Though our trials may be different, the source of healing is still the same and I am strengthened by your faith each time I read.
Thank you for the recommendation on the book. We will be back in the states in less than 2 weeks, so I will pick up a copy. I can completey understand where you are coming from in regards to having another baby. Sometimes I think I have 3 children. I should stop and just enjoy them. Especially, Roman. I too am fearful that the next time it might be even worse. I wonder am I just too old to have children. Now 36 to me doesn't feel old, and I know women even older having children, but was this the reason my sweet baby was born with Tetrology of Fallot. Sometimes, I think maybe I just want to have another child so that I can have a joyful pregnancy like my first two. I feel robbed of that with Roman. We found out at the 19 week ultrasound. However, the ache is there and the spirit keeps whispering to me to have another child. My husband is terified because he couldn't bear losing another loved one since he lost his father as a teenager and his heart still aches. I do not think you will ever forget Eden. She is not even my child and I think of her often. It seems like I see her name everywhere. Kind of magical. She was a gift to everyone and gave us an opportunity to draw closer to Heavenly Father in her short sweet life.
Keisa & Marcus, Just want you to know we haven't forgotten you. Life gets too busy sometimes, but you're always in our thoughts. As I drove by Phoenix Children's yesterday, I thought of Eden and the sweet little spirit she has and how many lives she touched while she was here. Time will heal the pain, but you'll never forget her - none of us will. Take care and know that you're loved.
It just plain stinks... I agree. Noone should have to go through the heartache of losing a child. It's not fair!! I pray that it will get better over time, even though I can't imagine how it could. I understand your fear of having another child, I'm also nervous to try for number 3. I know that you'll pray about it and make the right decision for your family.
I'll add the book to my list to read... someday... when I have time.
Andrea
Keisa,
Yes, it does downright stink. I do not think the feelings of longing for our angel babies will ever go away. The pain fades, a little each day. But that wound we carry never heals. It does grow smaller, but it still hurts just as much when the bandage is removed and it has to be cleaned out. The tears we cry heal that wound. I will never forget Eden. Hence the reason I still check your blog each week. That is the blessing if mourning with those that mourn, we never forget those that have moved on from this world. I too have been missing Ryker lately. I am all to fast approaching the first birthday and then his angel day will not be far behind. Last year, Lilly's birthday and angel day were spent anticipating Ryker and then being bust with him. But what will this year bring. With no baby in my arms or being carried inside of me, will it hurt more? I pray not. Please know your family is in our hearts and prayers still, and we will buoy each other up.
Heart hugs,
Emily
Keisa,
It's been almost 8 years since my Little Miss Hope passed away and each and every day since I have thought of her and shed many a tear for my loss. . not hers. Though she was only with us 4 1/2 short months she really helped make me be the person I am today, which I think is a wonderful blessing.
Since Hope was our first, oh those worries of will this happen again haunted me . . .but I had to trust in my Heavenly Father that he would know best for me. We were blessed with a healthy boy almost a year to the date of Hope's passing which eased my aching arms but in no terms could he replace her and since then we have been blessed with another healthy son. There will always be a hole in my heart for wishing she was here, with this year especially hard because family would have gathered for her Baptism, but that wasn't the plan and so now I try to focus on doing my part, living life to the fullest so when I do get to join her. . .it wasn't wasted time.
I also noticed around the 3rd month of her passing. . .until I hit that 1 year angel anniversary (which happend to fall on 09/11/01) was the hardest time in dealing with the loss. Maybe because most of our friends and family expected us just to "move on" but as you know you feel stuck and no matter what you try to do. . it feels like everyone else is moving forward except you. Just give it time because that helps soften the pain some.
You are not meant to forget her because if this didn't hurt so bad then where would the "love" have been.
Thanks for the advice on the book. . .I will have to read it as I am always looking to read Good things.
From one Angel momma to another . . .
Heart Hugs,
Carolyn Quigley
Hi Keisa!
I was just checking in on you and your precious family and wanted to leave a quick note. I know the fear of forgetting or "moving on" and the fear that others will forget your angel. But, as Emily Gourley said, we still check on you guys, so Eden's life is not forgotten. She is a beautiful angel with a whole heart and most likely playing with all of her heart angel friends, my Luke included. May God bless you guys and your amazing faith. Take care of yourself!
Prayers,
Bernie Haberman
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