Ode to Motherhood!

MOMS, please take a few moments to watch this.  It was a reminder to me that I am really not crazy after all.  It must be a mom thing!

I am sure you all felt like this is you every single day.  I know I did!  I want to let all of you mom's know just how much I admire all of you for so many reasons.  Each of you mean so much to me and I see something very special and unique in all of you which helps me to be a better mother.  Thank you for showing me through your examples what it is to be an exemplary mommy!

Quarantine

WARNING!: Do not come close to our house right now with your children!

We are in the middle of a nasty case of the vomiting, fever and chills flu.  The girls started complaining on Tuesday afternoon and before we knew it they were both sporting high fevers and vomiting every hour.  Good thing mommy was home alone to manage all of the vomit and cranky kids.  Thankfully thought I was a track runner and I could bolt them to the sink or toilet when needed and I can report that as of right now, we have had no vomit on me, the furniture, or the carpet.  Thank heaven for little silver bowls.  My WONDERFUL mom came over yesterday to help me and I am so grateful.  One was always crying for mommy some we had to trade off about every half hour.  I can say now that it's no fun at all to have both of them sick at the same time, but at least they will both recover at the same time as well and we will be done with this.  At least that is what I like to think, but I am sure I will be sick as a dog come the weekend!  It's now Thursday morning and our fevers are slight and small bits of food are being eaten without any vomiting!!!!!  One good thing about this is that I have caught up on all my Disney movies.  I counted 4 on Tuesday, 6 yesterday and we are almost done with our first of today.  More movies than they have watched in an entire year I think!

I have pictures of our trip to Disneyland, but that will have to wait until I get the house sterilized!

Loss For Words

Does Finley look comfortable or what?  As you can see he fits right in with the family.

What little cuties.  Yes, Emerson still has her binkie.  I just haven't thought it important to get rid of it yet.

Finley loves to sleep on his back and he even snores.  Marcus doesn't even snore!

Ainsley LOVES when its' her turn to nap with Finley, but most of the time he would rather play with her hair than rest.

For those of you that know me, you know that I am RARELY at a loss for words.  However, I have not written much lately because I just don't know what to say.  Life continues on like normal, as if nothing at all out of the ordinary happened to us last year.  Sometimes I take great comfort in that and other times, it bothers me something fierce.  I am a new person now, a different person.  Some might say I am better than before, some worse, but I just say different.  I will forever view the world as changed, no more rose-colored glasses I guess, and I will never look at a newborn the same again.  I hear women who speak of pregnancy, childbirth and the like very nonchalant, very carefree, and that is not a bad thing.  I am not one of them though and have not been since my second child Emerson, but maybe I listen to them so intently because I am jealous, envious.  I can not lie, I still ask the questions, "Why have all of my births been so difficult, so life-threatening?  Am I not supposed to have children?  Is the next one going to be even worse?"  I have to wonder as our trend has gone from bad, to worse, to horrible.  Then I come back to my senses and think, "What could be worse?" and I remember that the Lord loves me and I can not deny that.  Through all of the grief of losing Eden, my testimony of my Savior has grown and I can say now without a doubt that He loves me and truly guides my life.  It is just so hard, for me at least, to not be in control of everything around me, but if I had complete control then where would my faith be?  I still mourn, I still cry, I still get angry and overwhelmed, but six months later I am healing.  I laugh more, I hug more, and I love more.  Those are good things in my opinion.  My love for Marcus is deeper, more complete now and I cherish Ainsley and Emerson and every moment with them.  I even love our little Finley.  I am really not much of a pet person, but he has been so very therapeutic for me.  What a perfect addition to our family.  Thank you to all of you who reach out to me with kindness and friendship, for those who don't know what to say but let me know they love me.  I will forever be grateful for the friends the Lord has given me for they make the healing possible.

6 Months

Yesterday, the 5th, marked six months since our beautiful Eden left this earth and received her wings.  So many thoughts and feeling ran through my mind during the day and of course, there are times I still cry.  I find myself thinking about how she would look now, what she would be doing, and how my life would be with three little darlings to look after.  None the less, she is gone and we are left missing her and longing to feel her spirit as we wind through our days.  I know we will see her again and I know that she is our little girl forever, and more than anything else, this is what brings peace and comfort to my heart, mind and soul.

Yesterday was especially sad for me as some very dear friends, I call them that now although I only just met them in person last night, lost their 6 week old little girl to a heart defect and other complications.  Marcus and I went to visit them last night and just extend our love at this very difficult time.  We know all too well how they are feeling and the fog that envelops you so we just had to show we cared.  It is amazing how two little babies brought two families together to share love and friendship in life's most difficult moments.  Please join with us in praying for the Anderson family that they will feel Jersey's little spirit very close in the most challenging days ahead.

When I told Ainsley where we were headed last night and that baby Jersey had passed away, she smiled immediately and said, "I bet Eden gave her a giant hug and now they are friends and playing in heaven.  It makes me happy that Eden has baby friends in heaven."  My Ains is amazing!

We love you Eden and we miss you terribly, but we know that you are close to us.  Our hope is that we will live each day in a manner that will make you proud as you look down on us from above!

Finally, Another Male in the Ridgway Family!

No, I am NOT pregnant!  However, for Christmas the girls got a puppy and he is a male.  We have named him Finley Coconut Ridgway and he is a bundle of fluff and fun!  He is a Havanese, which is a non-shedding, non-smelling, good with children dog.  They are much like a Maltese.  Marcus and I drove half way to Palm Springs to pick him up from the breeder.  Marcus LOVES dogs and has wanted one for some time, but I am the sceptic.  I do have to say though, that he is darling and so well behaved so far so he is stealing my heart more and more.

Christmas was wonderful, bitter-sweet, but fabulous.  The girls excitement was contagious.  I missed Eden horribly the weeks leading up to Christmas, but I did well for the most part last week.  I just remember last year at this time thinking about how she was going to react to Christmas at almost 10 months old.  I had her stocking purchased and a dress to match her sissies.  We did spend time at her grave the week before Christmas singing her songs and telling her all about our festivities.  That seemed to ease my heart.

We did not get the girls too much this year outside of the puppy.  He stole the show on Christmas morning, for good reason!  Marcus and I received a most unexpected and amazing gift from or parents.  The two couples combined forces to purchase the headstone for Eden!  Needless to say, we were very overwhelmed.  All we have to do now is pick out what we like and fill with what we want it to say.  Our goal now is to have it complete and ready to unveil by her birthday.  We had a wonderful week spending time with family and friends and trying to focus on the birth of our Savior, for He has given us so much this year!

The girls tree in the great room.  Emerson was so tired, but Ainsley is always ready for a photo-

 op!

I love our "fancy" tree and I think Marcus does a fabulous job on it.  He really does the entire thing himself, he even goes shopping for the supplies on his own!

All decked out in the Christmas dresses.

Enjoying the Christmas lights at the Mesa LDS Temple.

Ainsley is so thrilled, but Emerson is a bit shocked!  She kept saying, "A real, live puppy!"

Look at Emerson's face.  Priceless.

He was passed back and forth like a hot potato!

What a cute little fluff ball with tons of energy.

Still hugging and holding him.  Yes, they were fighting over him within 5 minutes.

A dream come true for any child!

It would be a shame to let his feet actually touch the ground!

"But mom, I think he coldy, coldy."

Finally a moment to rest in my new bed.

Now that is one tired little puppy!

We wish all of you a very happy, healthy and safe New Year.

Have You Been to Heaven?

I wanted to share a conversation that Ainsley and I had on Wednesday.

Dad:  Everyone in our house is sick!

Mom:  Not everyone, I am fine.

Ainsley:  Not Eden (pointing up toward the sky), she's not sick anymore.

Mom:  No, Eden will never get a cold in heaven.  She will be healthy forever now.

Ainsley:  Mom, what is heaven like?

Mom:  Well, it is very pretty with lots of flowers, trees, butterflies and happy people.

Ainsley:  Have you ever been there?

Mom:  Not that I can remember, but at our church we believe that we lived in heaven with God and Jesus before we were born.  We can not remember though because when we come out of our mommy's tummy we forget.

Ainsley:  Can I look at pictures of heaven on the computer?

Mom:  I don't think anyone has pictures from heaven.

Ainsley:  I have an idea!  We could send Eden a camera in heaven, she could take some pictures and then send the camera back to us.  That's how we could see heaven!

Mom:  Wouldn't that be wonderful if we could do that!

I love my Ainsley for her logical thinking and simple faith.  Oh, to be a child again!

The Life of a Princess

The life of a princess is not easy I am sure, but my girls do it oh so well!

They absolutely LOVE to play dress up and strut around in their princess attire all day, every day.  It is all I can do to convince them that we don't wear our princess dresses to church.  In their mind no outfit is complete with out shoes, purse and of course, the crown!

Last week at their gymnastics class they were exceptionally good so I told them they could choose what we would have for lunch.  They decided on my homemade buttermilk pancakes and this time Ainsley wanted to try them green.  I have never put food coloring in my pancakes and they thought it was so cool.  In fact Ainsley even told me that I was "awesome!"  So, for lunch one day last week we had green pancakes and chocolate milk.  A real treat for both me and the girls.

A true princess!

She loves the camera!

Ready for the ball.

Lip smackin' good!

It really was a tasty lunch if I do say so myself.

A few days ago we had our family pictures taken.  Every few minutes Ainsley would ask the photographer, who is a family friend, if he would take only her picture.  She had about 3 of her own photo shoots and she posed like a true professional the entire time.  I do not know where she learned this, but she LOVES the camera.  In fact, just yesterday she told me that getting family pictures was so fun she wants to do it again real soon.  "But this time," she said "can he take lots more pictures of just me and not the rest of you?"

We seem to be talking more and more as a family about Eden.  It must be that we are all missing her terribly during Christmas time.  On Wednesday night, right after saying "amen" from our family prayer Ainsley yelled "I just heard Eden's voice?"  Marcus and I were a little puzzled, but asked her what she said, "She said, Ainsley I love you."  Ainsley is one special little girl and I do not doubt that she hears Eden whisper to her from time to time.  

We miss you and love you little Eden and hope you stay close during Christmas!