I am realizing that grief is a very lonely companion.
Not that I have not felt love, strength, friendship and support from so many, but the grieving process is so very lonely at times. For any of you who have grieved the loss of a special loved one, you can probably understand. I am learning as well that everyone grieves in a different manner. Grief is very personal, which can lead to the loneliness. I honestly believe that Marcus and I have about as healthy of a husband and wife relationship as is possible and we are so similar in many areas. We were best friends long before we ever became romantic (over 2 years) and how blessed and grateful I am that I married not only the love of my life, but my best friend and the one I prefer to spent time with over anyone else. That being said, we are still grieving Eden's passing so differently. When he is up, I am down and when I am flying high, he is creeping along. It is hard when we don't have our good or bad days on the same day. It is probably better that way though or we would be wallowing in pity at the same time and not accomplishing anything. I have learned so much about myself and about Marcus through this process. I love him more than ever before (if that is possible) because he is so kind, consoling and patient with me as I miss Eden so much. Every night when I get emotional (right before bed is the hardest for me) he knows not to ask what is wrong anymore, but just to let me talk about her, miss her and feel sad. He is not inclined to talk about her very much and that is fine, but I LOVE talking about her and sharing her short, but oh so brave story with others. It helps to console me that although her life was not long, it was meaningful and she truly did accomplish the Lord's plan for her life on earth. I honestly believe that she "fulfilled the measure of her creation." I often wonder if I will be able to say that about my life when I die.
A dear friend of mine sent me a wonderful poem that puts into words exactly how I feel about Eden and her life. Let me share it with you:
Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending she didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Elizabeth Dent ~
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending she didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Elizabeth Dent ~
Thank you all for your continued kindness to me and our family. We love you and appreciate your support.
5 comments:
Keisa,
I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you and your sweet family. I hope it's ok that I listed your page on our blog as I think Eden's story is a beautiful one of faith and love. I still have the issues with grief and I am not sure they will ever go away, just maybe get easier? Thank you for sharing your poem...would you mind if I sent it to a few people? It is something that I think would help others to understand what we as mothers of angels are feeling. I think it is a really nice poem that helps with the healing process. Thank you for sharing your story with others!
Bernie
Hey Keisa,
I think about your sweet little family and baby Eden every day. I still have her birth announcement on my bulletin board - I just don't have the heart to take it down. My kids love looking at her picture!!
I've hesitated one too many times in calling, because I don't always feel like I've got the right words to say, but you are not alone. You're never alone.
We love you guys SO much and you are still very much in our daily prayers.
Hi Keisa,
All I can say is that you are still in my prayers.
Maybe I should bring you the Symphony Brownies...I hear chocolate makes good company sometimes....
Hi there. I don't think I've commented much, but follow your blog almost daily. I still think your family is an absolute strength, that can provide hope and comfort to so many other people, no matter what their situation. You have been through so much, yet you are doing such a great job, and handling things so well. Your posts show hope, faith, love, and a willingingness to go on in life. You are amazing. Just wanted you to know you are still in my thoughts out here in Roseville, CA.
Gina
I don't know you, but I found your blog on a link from a friend's friend's blog.
We have a 6 week old foster baby. He has Down Syndrome and a heart condition called Tetralogy of Fallot. As long as he stays out of heart failure (which looks good so far!), he will get to wait until he is 6 months old to have the corrective surgery. His future prognosis is good so far.
My 5 biological children have been perfectly healthy and I have never dealt with a health condition so scary. But, we have a good support system where we are.
I found a lot of comfort and learned so much from reading your story of darling little Eden. It must be so tough to share what you have gone through, but it has helped me to understand more of what Anthony will go through and how we can be there for him. It's becoming more real to me now.
Thank you.
Sarah
Post a Comment