A Mother's Worries

I find myself worrying more and more as Eden's next surgery approaches.  We are reminded all too often just how risky it is going to be and that it is her "make it or break it" chance.  I really try not to think of anything but the positive, however with all of the medical talk it is hard not to think of the what ifs.  Eden has shown us all how very strong and determined she can be, I just hope this is not too much for her little body to undergo.  She has been doing better the last week and a half and part of us want to see if we can wait a while longer for surgery.  This could give her a chance to get bigger and stronger, but she could also take a turn for the worse with infections or lung problems that would make surgery an even bigger risk.  The bottom line is that Marcus and I only want to postpone the procedure because it makes us so scared.  It is our "day of reconing" so to speak and we want to put it off as soon as possible.  Eden has looked so peaceful the last few days.  I like to think that her little spirit is in a much nicer place with our Heavenly Father and family that love her dearly while her body is in pain and discomfort.  With all of the blessings that the Lord has given to Eden and our family, I can not imagine that He would allow her to suffer or hurt.  I know that He loves her too much!  A mommy has to believe this or a challenge like this is just too difficult to handle.  The word on the street is still Monday morning for surgery as long as her infection is completely gone.  Infectious Disease is keeping a close eye on her.  When I arrived at the hospital today, I was a little sad standing next to Eden's bed.  I was missing holding her, seeing her cute eyes (she sleeps almost all the time) and being close to her.  She is such a big part of me, but so distant at the same time.  Just then Chris, Eden's nurse for her first three days after her first surgery, came in and gave me a big hug.  She told me that she would be here on Monday and would have Eden again and then she just said "I'm sorry."  That meant so much to me.  I want to thank all of you who have followed Eden's journey and have left so many kind, encouraging thoughts with us.  We feel all of your support and prayers and are forever grateful for them.  It is overwhelming to me how we feel an immense love from our Heavenly Father and all of you.  Please remember Eden and her surgeons in your prayers leading up to Monday.  One of Eden's little heart friends, Bela is having a difficult time right now.  She was the one we mentioned a while ago as she and Eden share the same birthday and she also has a chromosome disorder.  She suffered a very big scare on Sunday evening and needs our prayers as well.  On another note, I took Emerson for her two-year check-up yesterday and she weighs a whopping 23 pounds!  I don't know why they think they can get Eden chunky since my others are far from.  Ainsley is 3.5 years old and is finally 30 pounds.  The funny thing is that they are really good eaters, I just don't know where they put it.  Thanks for everything, we love you all!