Five Months Ago Today

Just five short months ago today, on the 29th, Eden was born.

What a bitter sweet day it is for me as I think that she would be 5 months old today.  I know that she is in a better place for her and she is free of all pain and struggling, but oh how I would love to have her with me now to hold, hug, kiss and cuddle.  I remember the day so well, it was a Friday, the 29th day of February.  I was scheduled for my third c-section and I thought that leap day was fitting for our Eden.  I was so nervous and apprehensive heading to the hospital.  What would life be like with a child with Down syndrome?  How would my life change with her in it?  I never once questioned or worried about the heart defect.  Eden was born at 2:19 pm and she looked marvelous.  Her color was fabulous and she never required oxygen.  Her tone was also very good considering her DS.  There were a number of doctors and specialists attending to her at first, but once they realized that she was "good to go" they sent her to my room.  I didn't realize it at the time, but now I cherish the three days we had together to just be a mommy and her baby.  She latched on immediately and breast fed like a champion.  She loved her binkie and never cried at all.  She was small at 6.6 pounds, but I loved holding and hugging her.  My favorite thing was her newborn smell.  I love the way babies smell!  All of my fears and trepidation left me the moment I laid eyes on her.  It has been special with all of my children of course, but I really could feel a very unique and special spirit about Eden.  It was intoxicating and so soothing that you longed to be close to her.  That special spirit and the feelings it carried never left her.  It was not until the day we left the hospital and went to our cardiology appointment that we realized the magnitude of her heart defect.  Eden, I love you so much and I am honored to be your mother.  I miss you every day and you are ALWAYS in my thoughts.  I will never be the same because of you and yes, my life has changed forever.  I will forever thank my Father in Heaven for sending you to our family and allowing me to love and cherish you for your short time one earth.

Looking back at my photos, I thought you would all like to see if my girls looked alike at birth.  Keep in mind that I do not have a good newborn photo of Emerson because she was ilfe flighted from us to Phoenix Children's for her surgery.  For those that do not know, Emerson was born with something called a Tracheoesophogeal (TE) Fistula.  Basically, her esophagus did not develop properly.  It is supposed to grow down from the throat and up from the stomach and meet in the middle.  Well, Emmy's grew down from the throat and stopped and the piece that grew up from the stomach hooked onto the trachea.  Therefore she was not getting anything into her stomach and would aspirate any of the saliva that she swallowed.  This was discovered minutes after birth and she had her life saving surgery when she was one day old.  She has a small incision on the side between her ribs and recovered in no time.  She is healthy and happy now and hasn't looked back since.

You be the judge, who looks like whom?

My sweet Ainsley moments after birth.  The ironic thing about her is that I do not have a newborn photo of her with her eyes closed because she never closed them.  This was her all the time, bright eyed and taking it all in.  Her eyes still captivate me.

This is my Emerson right after birth.  Notice the red hair!  She still holds her hand like that when she sleeps.

My blessing Eden.  Doesn't she look radiant?!?  I just love her little button nose and her beautiful lips.

I also made a decision yesterday and purchased the heart ring I have been shopping for to honor Eden.  I plan to wear all the time on my right ring finger so I wanted it to be something practical, yet perfect.  I think I found just the right thing.  The girls loved it as well.