The Morning After

As with most experiences and challenges in our lives, there is always a morning after!

Despite how painful it is and how much it hurts to have our sweet Eden pass away, Wednesday's memorial service was a most lovely, beautiful tribute to her life.  It continually amazes me the impact one small baby had on the lives of so many.  I have asked myself countless times since her passing, "Do I live my life in a way to impact other people as my Eden did?"  There were over 300 friends, family and acquaintances in attendance and I think that all there were able to feel of Eden's sweet, valiant spirit.  It was so hard to see her small casket and kiss her soft cheeks for the last time, but I know that I will see her again and that I will always be her mommy and that gives me strength to get through each day.  The days following her death are somewhat of a blur and for those who have lost someone close to them might remember, I felt like I was wrapped in a warm, cuddly blanket and I have no doubt that feeling was the Lord pouring down His love on me.  I keep praying that the Lord will not leave me alone yet as I am not ready to stand on my own.  

I could not believe how much there was to plan for the services, but it was nice in a way because it kept us occupied without too much time to get lost in our thoughts.  Yesterday however was different.  I woke up with no agenda and no planning and it was rough.  I still walk around in a fog most of the time and I have never been so indecisive in my life, but one day at a time is all I expect of myself right now.

It was a beautiful day on Wednesday, hot, but that is normal for Arizona in July.  There was a slight breeze though that made sitting outside at the cemetery a little more bearable.  We started with a small family viewing and a family prayer.  We gave each of the grandparents a moment to share their thoughts at the viewing and that was so special.  We also spent just a few moments with Eden with just our little family.  Each of the girls received a new, white lamb as a gift and we put Eden's in her casket with her.  The girls also gave her a nightie (blanket) and a binkie.  I wrote her a note and gave her a ring that my mother gave to me when I was a young girl.  Marcus wrote her a letter as well and gave her a beautiful crystal three heart pin that he pinned to her dress.  We had her dressed in a pure white dress with white tights and little white booties.  She also had a lovely white hair bow and a pearl bracelet that one of our dear friends made for her.  She truly looked like a princess!  She was wrapped in a white blanket with her name and birth date embroidered on it.  I will never forget how absolutely wonderful she looked.  We then went into the church for her services.  I have included the programs for all to see.  They printed half with one photo and half with another as I couldn't decide between the two.  After the memorial we greeted and thanked everyone and headed to the cemetery.  Once there we had a short graveside service where Marcus said a prayer to dedicate the grave.  We also had 50+ white helium balloons with silver strings prepared and each person at the grave held a balloon and we let them off all at once.  As you can see from the photos, it was such a special experience and beautiful sight.  We wanted to shift the focus from the casket and grave upward to heaven.  We spent the remainder of the day with family and friends.  The day was not without it's crazy moments.  Emerson woke up that morning with diarrhea and vomiting.  She also had a fever.  Poor girl was a bit miserable all day as we drug her from event to event.

I am overwhelmed by the love and support we have received throughout the last week.  Thank you all for your sweet comments and kinds words.  They uplift us and strengthen us and when I have moments of heartache I read them for comfort.  I wish I could send each of you a personal thank you, but please know that we love you and thank you and you will forever hold a very special place in our hearts.