More Diarrhea

Well, never a dull moment with little Eden.

After her bout of diarrhea on Tuesday, they sent a stool sample away and nothing grew so they started her on feeds again.  She was back up to 20 cc's an hour and while I was there today she began having diarrhea again.  No one knows why exactly so they think they will try diluting her formula with Pedialite thinking it might be a little stomach bug.  She was struggling today and it broke my heart.  Her oxygen saturation levels, which is how much oxygen is traveling to her body through her blood, was also really low today.  Our oxygen saturation should be 100%, Eden's was running between 65-70% and it should be at about 85%.  She was also working really hard to breath and her respiratory rate was so high so they increased her ventilator settings and that really helped.  Her incision is not looking very good either.  As you remember  she had to have a plastic surgeon take her pectoral muscle and make flaps over the incision since they had scraped away skin with her infection.  Well,  the muscle flaps look great and are protecting her bone very well, but the skin is so thin from being scraped at that it is not healing like a regular incision.  It looks like a bad flesh wound now and will heal like one.  Kind of like a bad scraped knee or elbow.  I hate to see that large wound on her chest, but at least this is not her final incision and they say it should not affect her next incision from healing properly.  She has a wound nurse treating her every day so hopefully it will begin looking better.  The icing on the cake for my little princess is that she has horrible diaper rash.  Her poor little bum looks absolutely raw.  I feel so bad for her and all that she has been through.  I guess I am just really depressed right now because I feel like it's her turn to catch a break.  I have to remind myself that we have seen little miracles with her along the way and her pace is obviously going to be slow.

I am sorry that I sound so down in the dumps right now, but it seems to get harder for me as time goes on.  I miss her so much and long for her to be home with us and a part of our family.  I get scared too because I feel like we, me included, are becoming detached from her and like maybe she doesn't even know who I am anymore.  She just lays in her bed all day and I hate that.  Someone in  our family has been able to hold her once a day and I am so thankful for that.  As with any big challenge, it's always hard to remember that life goes on despite our pain.  I relish in the many blessings our family has received during this time.  We are so blessed to have almost all of our family here local and my mother and mother in law have been angels in taking turns to go sit with Eden or watch the girls.  We have also received service beyond measure from our church (ward) family.  They have done so much to love and serve us and it is so humbling to have them serve us when they are facing trials of their own.  I have also met so many wonderful, strong people on the PICU and I am honored to associate with them and draw strength from them.

We will get through this and Eden will one day be healthy and home.  I believe that!  I am so thankful for all of you and your support and prayers and faith.  It helps me to weather the storm and find joy in each day.  I know that the Lord has a plan for Eden and our family and I have to trust Him.